I shut the door and dumped the key
Cutting off my enemies
Now, will I have to open thee?
So much to my poetic vein for today ;)
It is as if there is a room where I
banned all memories of the time with E. and today I felt as I would be sneaking
around that door. It’s strange how I know that there are plenty of Memories I
have, without actually having them; even now writing about it. In some ways it lets the time of dating, even E
himself become quite unreal.
When I think of him now I think of
him more as the one I knew before, than the one I got to know in
the months of dating.
I do not attempt to dwell in
memories making myself hurt unnecessarily; even more so after having pushed
every memory so consequently in that little room unwilling to bear them. But probably
that door would break open at some point, or those memories would leak out.
Even if not I would always be afraid of what is behind that door. So I know soon
I will have to open it.
Maybe it will go slowly, letting the
small ones come out first and then face the biggest ones in the end. Maybe as
soon as I open the door just slightly all of them will break free and overrun
me. In any case afterwards they and I would be released.
(I'm not sure from where I take that conviction, but at least I hope so)
I don’t know when the time would be
ripe, maybe very soon maybe I still have days or weeks to let wounds heal and
become stronger. But also possible that sneaking around that door does more
damage than actually opening it.
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