Am I Willing?

Now it seems that till recently, I only could duck and cover under the shield. But that isn't anymore. I've got strength to stand on my feet with feeble knees and fight. But do I?

Am I willing to resist bitterness? Am I willing to let go of Anger? Am I willing to let go of my wish that it would not have happened? Am I willing to be thankful?

There is something in me, wanting to hold on to all of anger, rebellion etc. too badly as that it would be easily overcome. Another part in me, just wants to love God, and let go of it. 
I JUST WANT TO LOVE GOD.
Can I get my heart and my will to follow this call of that something in me?
probably - HE overcame, I could walk in HIS foot-steps. Am I willing?