I will

Not sure for who I'm writing, besides for myself, but I will talk to you in English. English is not my mother tongue but still I believe it is my heart language.

Tomorrow it will be a week, that E broke up our relationship. And yes, it did break my heart and still it is broken. I cannot really say that I'm any better by now, but something strange I noticed this morning. I kind of start believing what people keep telling me since almost a week now. It will be better, I will get over it... I will be fine again. I was happy before E, I will be so again.

 ...kind of, start believing...
I do not feel any better, and still can not believe I will be just fine again some day, but I start thinking I might be able to think that in just a little bit longer.

• Maybe because I have heard it over and over again. Maybe - quite often I observed that repeated statements, can become truth to people, even if they aren't. (That is why I believe it should be forbidden to state that the holocaust wasn't true.)
• Or maybe it is because I discovered pain-free moments in my day. Those, me just taking a shower, filling a washing machine, driving the car or making a cup of coffee. Those are moments are rare, still, but they are. If I get aware of them in the moment I enjoy them, otherwise they pass and I have missed, that I was just fine for a little while.
• Or it is, because finally my logic and understanding are gaining back some control over what I think and believe. Thousands have gone through what I'm in and were well after a while, so why should not I? Even much worse things happen to people and they are still able to continue.

In all this I know that HE, the source of Joy, is still there. I lost some of my ability to drink directly out of the source, but I put my hope in HIM to take me by the hand and lead me again to the source of living water.